1983 Number One Singles

January 22, 2009 at 11:15 pm | In music | 1 Comment
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1982 produced some of the finest number ones of the decade whereas 1983 was just a disaster.   The shackles of fun were thrown off as pop music went bland.  We’re still a couple of years away from the Stock, Aitkin and Waterman days and looking at some of the dross that topped the charts this year I think we’d all polish Kojak’s head over something half as funky as Dead Or Alive.

Renee & Renata would carry over their Christmas success into the next year before finally being dethroned by a significant step down the artistic ladder in Phil Collins’ ‘You Can’t Hurry Love’.  Number ones through the rest of the year give us the same kind of deflated reaction to the popular music charts.  The charts were drowning themselves in crap.  By the end of the year, the album chart was dominated by the first ever ‘Now That’s What I Call Music’ and although the first in line had such classics as ‘(Hey You) The Rock Steady Crew’, ‘Lovecats’, ‘(Keep Feeling) Fascination’ and the camp masterpiece ‘Kissing With Confidence’ there were two UB40 songs, ‘Tonight I Celebrate My Love’ and a solo effort from Limahl.  For those keen on nostalgia the original album has just been released on CD.  1983 also marked my first ever  seven-inch single purchase.  I can’t remember which other song I was contemplating buying at the time but I plucked out the very credible “Electric Avenue‘ by Eddy Grant.  Phew!  Second song?  The mighty ‘Candy Girl‘ by New Edition.  Beat dat!

5. Wherever I Lay My Hat (That’s My Home) – Paul Young

I’ve left out a few that plenty of you would probably choose.  The Police, perhaps.  Maybe Bowie’s fastest selling single of all-time?  Not me.  I find both of them a bit tiring.  The Police I’ve never really rated but I will give them the credit they deserve for the lyrics and tone.  Maybe I should have given them a break for that but I can’t.  Not because of the excruciating cover version that came years after (can’t remember who did it but you know the one about Notorious B.I.G.).  It’s Sting vocals that remindly me constantly of how we hope the Russians love their children too.  Instead it’s Paul Young that gets the opening nod with his take on a Marvin Gaye original.  Sadly, there’s that slimy 80s synth slavering over its own smoothness, attempting to hijack the tune.  Fortunately for us, Paul Young manages to keep crap pop at arm’s length so much so that when you listen to the original it feels completely inappropriately paced.  If you can do that to a Marvin Gaye song then there has to be something in it.

4. Billie Jean – Michael Jackson

Long before appearing on Radio 4 as their military commentator, Michael Jackson changed the future path of world music.  Prior to this song, black artists didn’t get much of a look in on the already influential corporate servant that is MTV.  His record label threatened the station with a ban on its white acts if they didn’t air the song.  MTV did and Jackson’s career went into orbit, bringing with it the birth of the music-video-as-event.  I didn’t like the song on release and still don’t really like it.  Jackson’s whining does nothing other than distract you from the one great component of the song, Quincy Jones’ production.  Those vocals just terrorise your ear drums so Ian Brown’s cover version comes as a pleasant surprise when he manages to highlight the gentle melodyt.  It’s not Quincy Jones though.

3. Give It Up – KC & The Sunshine Band

Okay, it’s not “That’s The Way I Like It“. Not much is. ‘Give It Up’ remains one of the pop gems of the 80s. It’s incredibly simple, reptitive and so bloody cheerful. Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na. Baby give it up. Great stuff. If Steve Wright had played this after the Chernobyl report we might never have gotten ‘Panic‘, maybe.

2. Uptown Girl – Billy Joel

Clark Griswold and Homer Simpson give this caricature of blue collar man a big thumbs up.  Pure Neil Sedaka souped up with New York yearnings.  Billy Joel, I’ve always found to be pretty average with occasional great moements and this is one of those songs that hovers right on the critical edge.  On the surface it’s mediocre chart fair, glimmering with all the hollow aspirations of Hollywood cinema.  Take a bit more time to climb over the synchronised school party dancing and there’s a universal male theme crying out amongst the Frankie Valli inspired sound.  Like That Obscure Object Of Desire condensed into three minutes of pop perfection.

1. Only You – The Flying Pickets

Okay it lacks the emotional reasonance that Alison Moyet brought to the orignal.  Fair comment.  It does also lack Vince Clark’s beligerent electronic tinkering, which is what kept the original from being as great as this.  Amazingly, despite the strong socialist leanings of the former theatre actors it is Thatcher’s favourite song (I thought that was ‘Two Little Boys’?) and yeah it’s a novelty record but it managed to sound both ludicrous and surprisingly soulful. Don’t believe me? Just listen to those soaring ba-das at the end of the second verse.  So good that it’s appeared in a Wong Kar-Wai film. Beat that Bono!

WORST NO.1 OF 1983: I’m sure that those of you immune to the beauty of tune would prefer to pick a few from my top choices but even those that you may strongly disagree with don’t share the same plot in Woody Bop Muddy’s record graveyard as several others.  Spandau Ballet’s cabaret nightmare is saved by PM Dawn and I can’t commit Men At Work’s monotonous reggae hollering because they got the word chunder into their number one.  In any other year UB40’s destruction of Neil Diamond’s woozy ‘Red Red Wine’ would get the nod.  Even now as I type I’m fighting back from pistoning its selection into my keyboard with a rage unseen since, since, since, beavers.  Kajagoogoo’s ‘Too Shy‘ has to have this year’s award.  It’s one thing for a song to be bad.  It’s another for it to hit number one without any sense of song behind it.  Truly awful in every single way.

POPTASTIC FACT: ‘Billie Jean’ is Jackson’s biggest selling single.  It’s played on 90% of the planet’s radio stations and gets more than 250,000 plays per week in clubs around the world.

1982 Number One Singles

January 5, 2009 at 11:46 pm | In music | 1 Comment
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1981 proved to be a weak year for number one singles as with only a handful of genuinely great songs.  1982 brought what would prove to be short-relief from the advance of the corporate pop record as the mainstream backed some of the best number ones of the decade.  The 80s hadn’t grabbed hold of the pop charts but the seeds laid down in 1981 were starting to produce that unanticipated onslaught of art.

Bucks Fizz Eurovision success continued into the year as probably the best of their epics, ‘Land Of Make Believe’ opened the year.  The first half of the year would be littered with mozarella supreme and novelty records.  The volume of quality remained thin although those that did manage to break through did us proud.

5. Pass The Dutchie – Musical Youth


I’m sure the more stubborn would prefer to tip their hat to Madness or The Jam here but I can’t ignore this cultural shocker that hit big time with sub-teenagers of the time. The changing of the word Kouchie to Dutchie threw off middle England from the heavy drug overtones, turning the song a meaningless homage to Jamaican culinary heritage. Common slang now for a specific illegal intoxicant, ‘Dutchie’ originally meant a type of Jamaican cooking pot at the time of release, making this a true milestone in the forthcoming confrontation with Thatcher’s Britain.

4. The Model – Kraftwerk


Originally released in 1978 this found success when it was a b-side to ‘Computer Love’, gaining a release in its own right shortly after when radio DJs started playing the b-side, supposedly against the band’s wishes. How sad would music be now had this song never reached the audience it deserved?

3. Do You Really Want To Hurt Me – Culture Club


Going significantly further with their assault on Conservative Party voters were Culture Club. I remember quite vividly the outrage and comments directed towards them as it trickled down through society and eventually my dad in front of the telly in the form of “He looks like a girl!” Brilliant stuff, completely hilarious and generation defining. Not only did this song shake up the Tories here, it reached number two in America and generated the same kind of slanging and discussion that it had over here. An incredible feat made even greater by the fact that it topped the charts in over twenty countries worldwide. It’s another one of the decades great number ones and I don’t think its perfect ambiguity has since been matched.

2. A Town Called Malice – The Jam


Running ‘That’s Entertainment’ close for The Jam’s finest moment, ‘A Town Called Malice’ sits alongside the very best social commenatries in song. It was the band’s first number one of the year (‘Beat Surrender’ followed in November) and the first release from what would be their final album.  Weller’s love of soul is a strong influence on the album and it would inspire him to form The Style Council after this, where he would still manage to rattle off the odd gem (‘The Lodgers’ being the pick) before his descent into Dadrock.

1. Come On Eileen – Dexy’s Midnight Runners


Don’t let the endless party nights and weddings spoil your appreciation for one of the finest songs of all-time.  For a short time period Dexy’s were arguably the best British band around and their mixing of celtic and soul influences are written all over this.  Alternative rock chronicler Julien Temple directed the video, giving us that iconic corner sweep shot of the band, capturing an essence that will last forever. A couple of years back I managed to catch the band on their reunion tour and they were excellent, making me yearn for seeing them when they were at their peak.  The song would be Dexy’s only chart hit in America, topping the charts and getting voted the third best one-hit wonder ever by that hero of the cultured mainstream, VH1.  Amazingly the two songs that surrounded it were also British with ‘I’m Too Sexy’ and ‘Tainted Love’ at fourth and second respectively.  VH1’s greatest ever one-hit wonder?  Surely you can guess?  Yes, it’s ‘The Macarena’.  You should’ve got that.

WORST NO.1 OF 1982: Competition was immense this year for the worst number one.  I mean, where do you start?  Shakin’ Stevens’ rock ‘n’ roll sensibilities gave way to garbage of the highest order with ‘Oh Julie’.  Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder commenced with campaigns against their credibility that would later result in ‘The Frog Chorus’ and ‘I Just Called To Say I Love You’ and Renee and Renata blasted out ‘Save Your Love’ (saved from this award because of the brilliant video that accompanied it.  Comfortably the worst song this year was The Goombay Dance Band’s ‘Seven Tears’ which I remember being on Top Of The Pops for an eternity.  It managed to become the eighth best selling single of the year, beating the likes of ‘Golden Brown’, ‘Mickey’ (one of the greatest videos ever!  FACT!) and ‘Ain’t No Pleasing You’ (original Fight Club angst).

POPTASTIC FACT: No German recording artist had ever topped the UK music charts, until 1982 when Kraftwerk, The Goombay Dance Band and Nicole all managed it.

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