XIII Oceans

It was difficult deciding on a criteria into what makes good fish and chips. The only thing that I am pretty sure about is the quality of the fish and the quality of the chips should far outweight any other factor. Price, I don’t believe is a determinant because people will return to a good chippy even if it’s slightly more expensive. Saving 50p wouldn’t enter the equation if two good chippies were next door to each other, quality is what matters.  Even in the era of the £5 portion of fish and chips quality is in and price is out.

Quantity has to be measured, you expect a decent size portion, however it’s not an overriding factor, with every chippy offering larger portions for the more devoted amongst us. I think that, personally, customer service has to be in there. We’ve all experienced the wide ranging capabilities with the pleasant, polite and more mature lady being a fixture in many chippies. There are also others that can leave a taste in your mouth worse than the food they’re serving. I’ll never forget when I was living in Preston and I went to a chippy on Church Street, oppositve the Yetka Kebab & Pizza House (great chilli sauce and friendly service) around tea time on a Saturday. There was nobody in waiting to get served and one of the staff was mopping the floor so I’m guessing they were getting ready either for the evening or to go home. I popped my head in to a “What do you want?” and I mean that as it was their own customised “Hello, what can I get you?” with added gruff and resentment at having to deal with a customer.  In addition to the friendly, welcoming approach laid on for customers due consideration has to be given to the speed of service as well. 

Following that I think you have to consider presentation alongside the customer service. How does the shop look itself? Crystal clean or somewhere Nicholas Lyndhurst ended up in Goodnight Sweetheart? Does it look like the kind of place in which food can feel free to absorb oxygen even when dead? Is grease the word that you heard? Shop presentation doesn’t just mean hygiene though. Are the menus easy to read? Prices easy to determine? Can you see what you’re buying? There’s a lot to cram in there.
Food presentation is equally important too and that’s something any chef, well-trained or not, will tell you. Okay, if the fish is good it can survive being spread-eagled over your chips like a Spice Girl promoting her solo single, but if the fish isn’t good and uncooked batter seeps through the coating like it’s been shot by Ripley then you have to ask big question marks about the proprietor. Appalling form. 

The final component of the assessment has to incorporate the variety of food on offer. This is a bit of hypocrisy of sorts because diversification for a chippy usually results in somebody taking their eye off the ball and before you know it, you’re back in plastic batter territory. Kebabs, pizzas, chicken, whatever! However, I do think that it’s important for us to recognise that whilst many chippies increase their options to increase their take, there are others that apply the same high standards to everything on their menu.

Here are the categories I settled on then.

Quality of fish
Quality of chips
Fish size
Size of chips portion
Presentation of food
Shop Appearance
Customer Service
Menu

Like the Colonel there’s a secret formula that weights some categories higher than others because it stands to reason that the quality of the food itself is far more important than if the chippy also sell onion rings. Similarly quantity deserves a slight edge over presentation.